I’ve heard it countless times: “I don’t like school.” As a teacher and a therapist, I haven’t just heard it from the so-called “troublemakers” or those who struggle academically. I've heard that statement from straight-A students, quiet rule-followers, and amazingly creative minds who light up outside the classroom, but dim the moment Monday rolls around.
If your child dreads school or seems consistently anxious and unhappy during the school year, you’re not alone and your child isn’t broken. There are several reasons why they may be feeling this way, and as a parent, there are ways you can help.
Every child learns differently. Some are visual learners, some are hands-on and some need movement and interaction to absorb information. However, most school systems still rely heavily on traditional educational methods such as lectures, worksheets, homework and standardized tests. This one-size-fits-all educational approach, where every student learns the same thing in the same way, doesn't align with what we know about how the brain works because learning is highly individualized and shaped by factors like prior knowledge, interests, environment, and neurodiversity.
Hearing the message that you’re “behind” or “slow” just because your brain prefers to learn through doing instead of memorizing can be internalized quickly and cause capable students to feel insufficient and unseen. Many teachers feel they lack the time or support needed to understand each student’s individual learning style and to differentiate their lessons accordingly. Unfortunately, some feel it’s not their responsibility to do so. As a result, students’ interests, learning styles, culture and inner worlds are rarely acknowledged in school. When students don’t feel known, they feel that no one is paying attention to who they are beyond their behavior or grades. Over time, that invisibility can chip away at their self-concept and sense of belonging.
When every assignment is graded, every mistake is marked in red, and every project is rushed to meet a deadline, school can start to feel like an intensely judged performance rather than a place for learning and growth. Burnout, anxiety and perfectionism are the direct result of this model. Some students can become perfectionistic, anxious or avoidant in school, terrified of making a mistake that might ruin their academic record. This fear narrows their risk-taking, dulls their curiosity, and slowly erodes the joy that real learning can bring. Over time, children begin to seek approval instead of knowledge.
School is more than academics. It's also where kids figure out how to belong. For some students, that process can be painful. Social hierarchies, bullying, peer pressure, and exclusion can all contribute to a child’s dislike of school. Even when kids don’t talk about it, they're feeling it and thinking about it. You might not hear about the harsh comment at recess, the microaggressions they are forced to ignore or the lonely lunch period, but it can affect their emotional reaction to school.
Anxiety, ADHD, sensory sensitivities, learning differences, emotional dysregulation and depression often show up in the classroom first. A child who is constantly making poor behavior choices or shutting down may be struggling with something deeper, not simply misbehaving or being lazy. Unfortunately, schools don’t always have the time, training, or resources to recognize these patterns, which means students who are actually neurodivergent are negatively labeled, punished or misunderstood.
Most students spend the majority of their school day being told where to go, what to do, when to talk and how to behave. This constant control can wear down even the most compliant child. Without a sense of agency or intentional opportunities for freedom, motivation can plummet.
Some children dislike school simply because they don’t like being told what to do. Simply put.
Many American schools remain locked in an outdated, industrial-era model with an emphasis on memorization, passive listening and standardized testing. As a result, students often find school boring and frustrating, seeing lessons as disconnected from real life and useful only for earning a grade, not for building meaningful skills or preparing for the future. While educators are increasingly aware of innovative international models that prioritize experiential learning, minimal homework, and shorter school days with better academic and emotional outcomes, these ideas are rarely implemented in the U.S. system. Inflexible testing requirements, tight budgets, and a deeply ingrained culture that values tradition and is resistant to change, keep American schools stuck in routines that fail to engage students.
For some students, school doesn’t feel physically or emotionally safe. School shootings, lockdown drills and political debates over education have made the school environment feel unpredictable and threatening for some children. Also, since conversations about race, gender and identity have been made illegal, many students can feel that who they are is not welcome or acknowledged. When the environment feels threatening, the brain’s priority shifts from learning to survival – and in that state, school is not a place of growth, but a place to endure.
If your child say school is hard or they don’t like it, don’t dismiss it or jump to solve the problem. Start with, “That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk more about what’s been going on?” Validation is not the same as agreeing with every detail. It’s about honoring their perspective and helping them feel seen.
Instead of “Why don’t you like school?” try:
These open-ended questions invite honest conversation, without triggering shame or defensiveness.
If your child is refusing to go to school, struggling with assignments, or not turning in work, try to partner with them rather than control them. Ask, “How can we make this feel more doable?” or “What do you need from me to help you succeed?”
Parents can also support their child by acknowledging their frustrations, while calmly setting firm expectations. Teaching resilience, offering structured choices, and encouraging outlets can help children feel more in control, without undermining the fact that school attendance isn’t optional. It’s important for parents to reinforce that school is both a privilege and a legal requirement in the U.S.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for your child’s needs. Whether it’s asking for academic accommodations, meeting with teachers, exploring learning alternatives or addressing your child’s concerns. Your voices matter. If you’re unsure how to advocate, a child therapist, school counselor or educational consultant can guide you.
Let your child know that your love for them is not dependent on their performance or behavior. Ask them, “Is there something I might be doing or saying that’s adding to your stress?” Also ask, “Is there something you might be doing that’s adding to your stress?” This isn’t about blame, it’s about awareness. These questions, asked with genuine curiosity and without defensiveness, can open the door to honesty and connection which can be very helpful.
Your child is listening and watching the way you respond to stress, disappointment, school politics and conflict. If school-related issues trigger anxiety or frustration in you, take care of yourself first. Consider what you allow your child to hear you say. Show them how to stay grounded, how to ask for help and how to take breaks.
If your child is experiencing prolonged sadness, school refusal, panic attacks, self-harming behaviors, or severe academic decline, it may be time to consult with a therapist or pediatric mental health professional. There’s no shame in getting support. In fact, it can be life-changing.
At Houston Anxiety and Wellness Center all of the clinicians work with parents who are supporting their children as they learn these critical academic skills - and skills for coping with stress and anxiety. Schedule a parent support session with one our therapist HERE, email us at info@houstonanxiety.com, or call us at 832.205.8120.
You are not failing because your child dislikes school. This journey is not about fixing your child. It’s about understanding them more deeply. School is just one piece of their life. They may never enjoy it but knowing you prioritize their mental health, self-worth, and sense of belonging matter far more than a report card ever will.
If you found this helpful, consider sharing it with another parent who’s navigating similar challenges. No one should feel alone in this.
Quite often clients tell me, “I just want to do it right.” Sometimes they mean right as in correct. Other times they mean right as in flawless. And quite often what I observe is that perfectionism is hiding behind the idea of “doing it right.”
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