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The relationship between teens and technology has become increasingly complex as devices have been woven into nearly every aspect of their daily lives. Education, entertainment, communication, hobbies, shopping, self-expression and even wellness tools can all be accessible through technology. This makes boundaries with technology hard to create and even harder to maintain. Considering this can help parents understand why “put the phone down” may feel unrealistic or emotionally loaded for teens.
As a mother of a teen who has had his first smartphone for just six months, I’ve observed how his personality, focus, attention, time management, self-regulation, and even his emotions have been affected in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. The most valuable thing I’ve learned through all of this is how much I empathize with what he’s experiencing. The constant pull of notifications, the temptation to check “just one more thing,” the way screens can both soothe and be anxiety-inducing is challenging to manage. Parenting teens through healthy relationships with technology is less about controlling their screens and more about creating moments of connection, building trust and having real conversations about what it means to use technology in healthy, intentional ways.
Screen Time: Shifting the Focus from Minutes to Meaning
Parents often focus on the amount of time spent on screens. While time matters, research continues to show that context matters far more. Anxiety that stems from the use of technology isn’t simply determined by screen time alone. How teens use tech is a major factor. It is helpful for parents and teens to understand the difference between Passive and Active Screen Time. Active Screen Time involves participation, like playing interactive games, chatting with friends and family, learning and creating. Passive screen time involves consuming digital content without active engagement, like watching shows, movies and videos, or endlessly scrolling social media feeds. Active is not all good and Passive is not all bad. Both should be regulated. The key is focusing on quality over quantity.
Top 3 Tech Rules to Reduce Anxiety
Set a Tech Curfew
Sleep disruption is a major contributor to teen anxiety. Research shows that 60% of 11- to 17-year-olds use their phones between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights. If you haven’t already, I strongly encourage implementing what I call a “tech curfew.” Establish a set time each night when devices are turned off and charged outside the bedroom. In my home, tech curfew happens on a desk in my bedroom about an hour before my teen’s bedtime. This can help teens disconnect intentionally, rather than simply falling asleep because they’ve run out of energy interacting with a device.
No Devices in the Bathroom
Phones and tablets can turn short trips into long, unproductive sessions. Keeping devices out promotes mindfulness, protects privacy, and helps teens manage time better.
Respectful Communication & Appropriate Content Only
Set clear expectations for online behavior, including no cyberbullying, toxic group chats, or sharing inappropriate content. You may be surprised, but what is acceptable online is not always clear. Talk with your teen to help them navigate social interactions safely and develop empathy and digital responsibility.
Connection, Not Conflict
Teen technology use doesn’t have to be controversial or stressful for families. Invite your teen to share what is capturing their attention and take a genuine interest in their online world. Ask questions, listen without judgment, and use these conversations to understand their interests and challenges.
Instead of monitoring every notification on your teen’s device and being a “cringey” spy on a device you’re probably paying for, engage in ongoing conversations asking questions like:
- What do you like the most about this game/video/app/website?
- Have you encountered anything on your device that triggers you to feel anxious or stressed?
- Who is the funniest/naughtiest person in your group chat?
- What kind of boundaries do you use to feel healthy with technology?
- Do you get more active or passive screentime?
Sure, their responses may be short and vague, but this type of open communication can lessen anxiety and also build trust and honesty.
If you would like more support helping your teen manage technology and anxiety, you can schedule an initial appointment or free consultation call with any of the therapists at Houston Anxiety and Wellness Center. You don’t have to navigate this alone. We’re here to help.
References
Common Sense Media. (2023). Constant companion: A week in the life of a young person’s smartphone use. https://www.commonsensemedia.org
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/2023-cs-smartphone-research-report_final-for-web.pdf
Khan, A., Smith, L., Seidu, S., Owen, N., Curtis, R., & Vancampfort, D. (2022). Associations of passive and active screen time with psychosomatic complaints of adolescents. (1), 24–32. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2022.01.008
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The relationship between teens and technology has become increasingly complex as devices have been woven into nearly every aspect of their daily lives. Education, entertainment, communication, hobbies, shopping, self-expression and even wellness tools can all be accessible through technology. This makes boundaries with technology hard to create and even harder to maintain. Considering this can help parents understand why “put the phone down” may feel unrealistic or emotionally loaded for teens.
As a mother of a teen who has had his first smartphone for just six months, I’ve observed how his personality, focus, attention, time management, self-regulation, and even his emotions have been affected in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. The most valuable thing I’ve learned through all of this is how much I empathize with what he’s experiencing. The constant pull of notifications, the temptation to check “just one more thing,” the way screens can both soothe and be anxiety-inducing is challenging to manage. Parenting teens through healthy relationships with technology is less about controlling their screens and more about creating moments of connection, building trust and having real conversations about what it means to use technology in healthy, intentional ways.
Screen Time: Shifting the Focus from Minutes to Meaning
Parents often focus on the amount of time spent on screens. While time matters, research continues to show that context matters far more. Anxiety that stems from the use of technology isn’t simply determined by screen time alone. How teens use tech is a major factor. It is helpful for parents and teens to understand the difference between Passive and Active Screen Time. Active Screen Time involves participation, like playing interactive games, chatting with friends and family, learning and creating. Passive screen time involves consuming digital content without active engagement, like watching shows, movies and videos, or endlessly scrolling social media feeds. Active is not all good and Passive is not all bad. Both should be regulated. The key is focusing on quality over quantity.
Top 3 Tech Rules to Reduce Anxiety
Set a Tech Curfew
Sleep disruption is a major contributor to teen anxiety. Research shows that 60% of 11- to 17-year-olds use their phones between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights. If you haven’t already, I strongly encourage implementing what I call a “tech curfew.” Establish a set time each night when devices are turned off and charged outside the bedroom. In my home, tech curfew happens on a desk in my bedroom about an hour before my teen’s bedtime. This can help teens disconnect intentionally, rather than simply falling asleep because they’ve run out of energy interacting with a device.
No Devices in the Bathroom
Phones and tablets can turn short trips into long, unproductive sessions. Keeping devices out promotes mindfulness, protects privacy, and helps teens manage time better.
Respectful Communication & Appropriate Content Only
Set clear expectations for online behavior, including no cyberbullying, toxic group chats, or sharing inappropriate content. You may be surprised, but what is acceptable online is not always clear. Talk with your teen to help them navigate social interactions safely and develop empathy and digital responsibility.
Connection, Not Conflict
Teen technology use doesn’t have to be controversial or stressful for families. Invite your teen to share what is capturing their attention and take a genuine interest in their online world. Ask questions, listen without judgment, and use these conversations to understand their interests and challenges.
Instead of monitoring every notification on your teen’s device and being a “cringey” spy on a device you’re probably paying for, engage in ongoing conversations asking questions like:
- What do you like the most about this game/video/app/website?
- Have you encountered anything on your device that triggers you to feel anxious or stressed?
- Who is the funniest/naughtiest person in your group chat?
- What kind of boundaries do you use to feel healthy with technology?
- Do you get more active or passive screentime?
Sure, their responses may be short and vague, but this type of open communication can lessen anxiety and also build trust and honesty.
If you would like more support helping your teen manage technology and anxiety, you can schedule an initial appointment or free consultation call with any of the therapists at Houston Anxiety and Wellness Center. You don’t have to navigate this alone. We’re here to help.
References
Common Sense Media. (2023). Constant companion: A week in the life of a young person’s smartphone use. https://www.commonsensemedia.org
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/2023-cs-smartphone-research-report_final-for-web.pdf
Khan, A., Smith, L., Seidu, S., Owen, N., Curtis, R., & Vancampfort, D. (2022). Associations of passive and active screen time with psychosomatic complaints of adolescents. (1), 24–32. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2022.01.008
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